Ben Gordon and Akon

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The End of Life as We Know it

Pearl Harbor. The Great Depression. 9/11. Tim Duncan's birth. Herpes. It's time to add Gilbert "Hibachi" Arenas' recent knee injury to that list of most tragic events in US history.

Gilbert is not just the best basketball player ever to breathe air, he's also the best guy ever. In a poll of the world, Gilbert was voted #1 overall greatest person, with Mike Sellers and Dave Grohl tying for #2. Gilbert will now be out for at least a couple of months, but the pain caused by this setback will stay with us forever.

Maybe this is karma for the Manu Ginobili post from earlier, but I really think it's God's way of leveling the playing field. The only question I ask is, when the fuck are Tim "Fagboy McGee" Duncan's knees gonna give out? Hopefully, within the week.

I'd also like to give a shout out to Hurricane Gustav for doing work down south. Keep it up Gus.

ITS OFFICIAL! CHAD JAVON OCHO CINCO

He finally did it! Chad Johnson has parted ways with his bland last name and adopted the much flashier Ocho Cinco. Personally I don't know what took him so long to make the switch. I mean who would you rather meet, another Mr. Johnson or...Mr. Ocho Cinco. Congratulations Chad on making possibly the best decision of your life, we all know you needed something to make you stand out from everyone else.

Teddy's Mustache Graph

The above graph shows Teddy Michaels' progress before and after shaving his epic mustache. As you can see, Teddy's performance has gone downhill since shaving the stache. Factors going into these statistics include overrall demeanor, ability to procure fake IDs for Jake, decathalon contributions, and MIA frequency. The results supports our hypothesis that mustaches=greatness, lack of mustache=disappointment.

ANOTHER VICTORY FOR THE U.S.

Praise the lord, it turns out Manu Ginobili needs knee surgery. Ginobili is not only unAmerican, he's also teammates with Tim Duncan. Thus, by his lack of association with the U.S. and his association with Duncan, Ginobili is a huge piece of shit. I guess your knee injury is karma for bringing your gay Argentine, pseudo-European style game to the NBA.

TO ALL THE OTHER FOREIGH PLAYERS IN THE NBA: Let Manu's injury serve as a warning for any of you thinking about coming to the states. If you come to our league, we will fuck up your knees.

READ MORE HERE: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3559440

Fallen Hero: Bernie Mac 1957 - 2008

I regret to inform that at about 2 am on August 9th, comedian/actor Bernie Mac perished from complications of pneumonia. For those of you who were familiar with Bernie Mac know that the world lost one of its best. Coming soon will be a list of the top 10 Bernie Mac moments. 

R.I.P. Bernie, you will forever be in our hearts

Hot and Not

HOT: Evan Longoria                     NOT: Eva Longoria

HOT: Chicken Pox                         NOT: Drew Barrymore

HOT: Mustaches                            NOT: Thin Beards (aka "the redneck chin strap")

HOT: Colt Brennan                       NOT: Rape charges

HOT: Flea Market Montgomery NOT: The Geico Cavemen

HOT: Brett Favre                          NOT: Aaron Rodgers

HOT: Little People, Big World   NOT: Big People, Little World

HOT: Classified Prank Calls        NOT: Miley Cyrus' chin

HOT: Shrooms                               NOT: Robo Trip

TOSS UP: Shawshank's Morgan Freeman vs. Pulp Fiction's Samuel L. Jackson

TOSS UP: Steve Smith vs. Ken Lucus

Main Character of Entourage?

Contrary to popular belief, E is the main character of Entourage. Not Vince. Jake is wrong about this one.

sweet lou

could they look more alike?

Man Laws

These laws and guidelines for life actually have nothing to do with Tim "fairy" Duncan but instead they are reserved for those of us who actually have a sack.  

1. A first name, last name combination starting with the same letters = greatness.  (i.e. Harry Houdini, Paul Pierce, Ansel Adams, Matthew McConaughey, Danny DeVito, etc.)
2. If a restaurant's name begins with letters, then you're gonna love it.  (i.e. PF Changs, BD Mongolian Grill, TGI Fridays)
3. Drink before you shoot.

Dear Timmy

If your dick was a fish, you would drown. You'd be drowning, you'd be finding Nemo to no avail. Fuck the Spurs, I hear Europe has some openings. Go play with Josh Childress you dirty, harry cunt. Suck on my wang you piece of bacterial dirt. Go to eternal hell you rag of scum.

Showing his true colors

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sUVewfxzIKU

clumsy chach

Duncan in the playoffs

Your fundamental style of play is homo erotic with your jump hooks and fifteen footers banking off the glass. I wish i could come onto the court and hit you in the face with a 2 x 4 to teach you the meaning of respect. I heard about how you lick honey out of the divots in your coach's face and I'm not suprised. Take your dumb ass to Europe where they value players who cry like little girls after calls don't go your way.

Dirty Mustache

At beach week, our friend Teddy (aka Pedro, aka Hitler) was bet that he could not grow an adequately thick mustache in a month. He ended up losing the $20 bet, but not before humiliating himself and crossing ethnicities for a month. Much more on this to come in the future.


DISCLAIMER: Contrary to the usual scenario, Tim Duncan's excuse for a mustache/pubic hair goatee does not make him a better person. In fact, all it does it ruin the reputation of facial hair and just mankind in general.

Duncan eating dick

I have this video constantly playing on every TV in my house. It's even configured to wake me up every morning. Lately, I've also started beating off to it on occasion.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=r0GiPPR_pG8

Welcome

Welcome to "I Hate Tim Duncan." What started as a lofty dream is now a reality. We all hate Tim Duncan. We all love good stories. Sit back and prepare to be enlightened.