ITS OFFICIAL! CHAD JAVON OCHO CINCO

He finally did it! Chad Johnson has parted ways with his bland last name and adopted the much flashier Ocho Cinco. Personally I don't know what took him so long to make the switch. I mean who would you rather meet, another Mr. Johnson or...Mr. Ocho Cinco. Congratulations Chad on making possibly the best decision of your life, we all know you needed something to make you stand out from everyone else.

Teddy's Mustache Graph

The above graph shows Teddy Michaels' progress before and after shaving his epic mustache. As you can see, Teddy's performance has gone downhill since shaving the stache. Factors going into these statistics include overrall demeanor, ability to procure fake IDs for Jake, decathalon contributions, and MIA frequency. The results supports our hypothesis that mustaches=greatness, lack of mustache=disappointment.

ANOTHER VICTORY FOR THE U.S.

Praise the lord, it turns out Manu Ginobili needs knee surgery. Ginobili is not only unAmerican, he's also teammates with Tim Duncan. Thus, by his lack of association with the U.S. and his association with Duncan, Ginobili is a huge piece of shit. I guess your knee injury is karma for bringing your gay Argentine, pseudo-European style game to the NBA.

TO ALL THE OTHER FOREIGH PLAYERS IN THE NBA: Let Manu's injury serve as a warning for any of you thinking about coming to the states. If you come to our league, we will fuck up your knees.

READ MORE HERE: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3559440

Fallen Hero: Bernie Mac 1957 - 2008

I regret to inform that at about 2 am on August 9th, comedian/actor Bernie Mac perished from complications of pneumonia. For those of you who were familiar with Bernie Mac know that the world lost one of its best. Coming soon will be a list of the top 10 Bernie Mac moments. 

R.I.P. Bernie, you will forever be in our hearts

Hot and Not

HOT: Evan Longoria                     NOT: Eva Longoria

HOT: Chicken Pox                         NOT: Drew Barrymore

HOT: Mustaches                            NOT: Thin Beards (aka "the redneck chin strap")

HOT: Colt Brennan                       NOT: Rape charges

HOT: Flea Market Montgomery NOT: The Geico Cavemen

HOT: Brett Favre                          NOT: Aaron Rodgers

HOT: Little People, Big World   NOT: Big People, Little World

HOT: Classified Prank Calls        NOT: Miley Cyrus' chin

HOT: Shrooms                               NOT: Robo Trip

TOSS UP: Shawshank's Morgan Freeman vs. Pulp Fiction's Samuel L. Jackson

TOSS UP: Steve Smith vs. Ken Lucus

Main Character of Entourage?

Contrary to popular belief, E is the main character of Entourage. Not Vince. Jake is wrong about this one.